Issue 181, page 5

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Comments on Iraq 

by Late Nighters

( Jay Leno, David Letterman, et al.)

 "President Bush said this Iraq situation looks like 'the rerun of a bad  movie.' Well sure, there's a Bush in the White House, the economy's  going to hell, we're going to war over oil. I've seen this movie, haven't I?" -Jay Leno.

 "President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to  wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the  American voters to become president, either." - David Letterman. 

 "In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of  Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with food, medicine, supplies,  housing, education - anything that's needed. Isn't that amazing? He  finally comes up with a domestic agenda - and it's for Iraq. Maybe we  could bring that here if it works out." - Jay Leno.

 "President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that  democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can  have a good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq?  We can't even get this in Florida." - Jay Leno.

 "Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates  a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey,  look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'" - Craig Kilborn. 

 "We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of  mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq.  There's just one problem - it's in North Korea." - Jon Stewart. 

 "War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom.  They were going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they realized  that spells 'OIL.'" - Jay Leno [and Mike Crowley].

 "CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three  parts... regular, premium and unleaded." - Jay Leno.

 "Iraq began destroying those missiles they don't have over the weekend.  See, President Bush may be the smartest military president in history.  First, he gets Iraq to destroy all of their own weapons. Then he  declares war." - Jay Leno.

 "Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote, just south of the  Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you can  actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is."  - Jon  Stewart.

 "The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow  'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular." - Jay Leno. 

 "The president boasted at the top of his press conference that we have  the support now of Britain and Spain for our attack on Iraq. You know, when  you want to make it perfectly clear to the world that you're not an  imperialist, the people you want in your corner are Britain and Spain." - Bill Maher.

 "Experts say that if we go to war with Iraq, oil could reach as much as  $80 a barrel. Of course, after the war it will be free." - Jay Leno.

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