Issue 209, page 5

Search Home FAQ Links Site map Book Store


New Ask Us Theory About

Laughing Stock
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language became boiled down to 4-letter words. . .

An exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband, I'd give you poisoned tea." He answered, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Prime Minister Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace yourpolicies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the  dictionary." - William Faulkner about Ernest Hemingway

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading  it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I did send a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"I'm enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend. . .if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill In response: Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second. . .if there is one." Winston Churchill

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why don't you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it." - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp posts. . .for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

Send us your e-mail, clipping or photograph (via e-mail or snail mail).  If we use it in Laughing Stock, you will receive a $10 gift certificate from!  Joan is this week's winner.  Thanks, Joan!

Give a little to help keep TOWFI (and the prizes!) going.  Click the Paypal button below.

Do you enjoy reading Take Our Word For It?  Then help us keep it going.  It's easy to donate, and you can pay via credit card.  Just click the button.  


Comments, additions? Send to Melanie & Mike:
Copyright 1995-
2010 TIERE
Last Updated 02/20/10 04:25 PM